Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
