Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
there is glitter all over my balls
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
