I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
