My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
smell my finger.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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