There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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