You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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