So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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