Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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