If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
