I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
