What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
