So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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