new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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