Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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