The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
please don't ironically join a cult
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