Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
PANTIES FOUND
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