everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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