Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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