Ambien. No doubt about it.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
