Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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