tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
