we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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