The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
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