chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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