i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
