Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
