ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize