my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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