She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
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