dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
