i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize