your thong is hanging out like whoa
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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