it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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