i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
