ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
