I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
