dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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