i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
