After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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