I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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