Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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