my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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