After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
