"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
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Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
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Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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