I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
