if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
