not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
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She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
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grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
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I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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