What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
