if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
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