The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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