I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
if i can run in heels then i can drive
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
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a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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