Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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