What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
