went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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