Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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