i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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