Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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