omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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