Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
