But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
