im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
