At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I need a beard to bite.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
