i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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